Revolutionary Rants

It is April already. April Fools Day. Once again I have to say this year is going fast. Seems like five minutes ago I was eating Celebrations whilst we were cooking the Christmas dinner. I know it is a cliché to say times seems to go by faster as you get older, but it does! When we were little, Alex and I, it seemed like World Cups lasted the whole summer, that birthdays were a lifetime apart, that Christmas would never come. Now I just wish it wouldn’t come… When you’re younger you always seem to be waiting for something - the future presumably; adult life. Then you get there and it is OK but hardly the endless firework display you were expecting. You make choices, you study, you work, you tidy up and do sensible ‘adult’ things like drive cars or “book holidays”.

Don’t get me wrong, I am looking forward to my holiday to Paris next month, to my niece and nephew’s birthdays, to seeing Ferris run along Robin Hood’s Bay beach it’s just now I live more in my present than I did as a kid. I enjoy daily things: being with Mr C, Ferris, my family; eating good pasta; sitting in the sun, blogging in April.

Sometimes I get that Equus feeling, the fear that in spurning ‘religion’ I have given away the chance of religious ecstasy, but then I think that life might be about coming to terms with the fact that there are only few moments of pure ecstasy; that like Emily Dickinson we need to worship the small - tiny - things or face in to the abyss.